that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
