i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
