sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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