Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
