Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
