He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
