youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
