im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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