Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
