Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sober January is a disaster.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
