we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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