Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
