I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
