he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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