i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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