so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
