I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
