I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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