Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
