11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
