I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
