so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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