You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
