I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
