Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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