so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
