I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How's work?
Spinning.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
