True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
