Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
