I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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