____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
