this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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