I have demons in me.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
