had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
