Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
