Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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