If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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