Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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