His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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