Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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