so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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