Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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