i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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