I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
