i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Floor bacon is actually really good
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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