He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sext me about skeletons
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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