You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
