in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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