drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
where are my eyebrows?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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