Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
