We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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