This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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