At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
