he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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