I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
