I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
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I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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