I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize