You smell like a Billy Joel song
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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