You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
try to milk me bitch
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