In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
