I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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