quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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