i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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