What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
