And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
