Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
