hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
