Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
