Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize