get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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