He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
